At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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