I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
