yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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