Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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