Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
