today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize