what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
