we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
