you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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