When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
