Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
