If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
