I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
