I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Everyone says I win the strip club
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize