i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
