I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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