aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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