hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
