I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
