how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize