The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
