my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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