I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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