I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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