how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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