Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Randomize