The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
