I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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