I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
