there's paper in my vomit.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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