I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
