yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
