I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
