I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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