my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
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