I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
