i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we're making bets on your personal life
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
