i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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