I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
