so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
