if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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