you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
