3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize