I hope mine doesn't look like that
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
