your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
