She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
it's like heaven, but drunker
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
