JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
