There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize