Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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