We need to rekindle our bromance
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I smell like Dick and happiness
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
