took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
