i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
