He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
