just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
