Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
