someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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