first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I can't turn off my feet"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
