My hand turned me down
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
