You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
