totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
