the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
