A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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