She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
