Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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