he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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