Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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