I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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