just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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