He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
