just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
