Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
