It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
