Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
