whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
