Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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