Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
