you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So many bounce houses so little time
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i drank out of a bidet.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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