Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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