Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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