oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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