I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Randomize
