No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
