I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize