Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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