dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
How drunk are you?
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