textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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