Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
