I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
