There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
