I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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