i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
