He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
