Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
