Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
