At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
