bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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