I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Randomize
