OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
