my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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