I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
