how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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