Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
