Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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