and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
