Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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